Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
