I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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