just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize