our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
