he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
