I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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