the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
