She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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