he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize