If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
