"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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