dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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