i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
