Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ok first of all what the fuck
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
