Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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