If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize