The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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