I want to make a zoo with you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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