nut hugger
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize