apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
