Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
barbara walters just said penis...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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