I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
