I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
