You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's just like the Real World with babies
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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