They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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