i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
