nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
