come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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