Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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