Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
