probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
