How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
