Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My balls are so social today.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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