oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
