He passed out mid-signature
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
