you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
