Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
