Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
