She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
