take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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