Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
