Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
