I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The power of my boobs compel you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
