So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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