Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
