I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
