I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
