butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize