It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
