Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
