brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
