I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
