Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
