saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He shit in the fireplace
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
