i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
