Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
