My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
