you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
