omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
