in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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