I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
