Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize