Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Quick, to the slutcave!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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