your parents love me but you hate me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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