He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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