and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
