Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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