Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
