Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize