he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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