You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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