Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
