I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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