Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
