well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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