When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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