I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
