Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am available for nakedness
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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