Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
