thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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