Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
