good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize