She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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