You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
