i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize