Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You are the jesus of drinking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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