Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
