I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
