I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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