She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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