when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
