So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
