i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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