I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
