I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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