i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
