Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
