he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
