Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
