His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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