Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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