Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize