he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
