I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
