were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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