you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
