My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
