Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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