I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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