Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
