If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
