apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize