i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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