dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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