Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im six kinds of drunk right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All the doctor said was why
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
