Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
