so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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